if i ever wake up in the morning and don’t feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
(203): Im invoking the “no judgements” clause of our friendship.
(1-203): My god, what have you done?
(509): btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body…
(480): gifts from me to you. you’re welcome.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I’M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
(213): WTF DUDE?
(323): Stay calm. I’m sure there’s a heterosexual explanation for this
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That’s why they were invented! Read a book…
(440): WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
(740): BECAUSE SCIENCE