(925):
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it

(925):

You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it

(717):
if i ever wake up in the morning and don’t feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over

(717):

if i ever wake up in the morning and don’t feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over

(203):
Im invoking the “no judgements” clause of our friendship.

(1-203):
My god, what have you done?

(509):
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body…

(480):
gifts from me to you. you’re welcome.

(931):
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment

(931):

I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment

(530):
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me

(530):

I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me

(719):
I’M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!

(719):

I’M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!

(828):
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point

(828):

It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point

(213):
WTF DUDE?

(323):
Stay calm. I’m sure there’s a heterosexual explanation for this

(720):
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That’s why they were invented! Read a book…

(720):

What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That’s why they were invented! Read a book…